Gainesvilleans Declassified

Despite its seemingly modest size, the little town of Gainesville boasts an impressive array of social groups. Below is a short list that I've compiled of the different groups I've encountered. Please feel free to add any comments or suggestions.

The Intelligentsia: Have you ever walked into a coffee shop to find a smattering of people wearing trendy, dark-rimmed glasses and hovering over their free-trade, "this plastic is made from 20% recycled material" lattes? You know, the ones who are madly typing away at their laptops or staring into their iphones like they're waiting to hear back from the Great Beyond? These types seem to pride themselves on their "artistic" flair and inherent knowledge of "cool". These are the people who will drive a trendy, ecologically friendly vehicle (Mini Cooper, Toyota Hybrid, Volkswagen or Vespa), support the Occupy Wall Street movement without really comprehending what it means, and act as walking billboards for  music bands nobody really knows about. The more obscure a thing, the better. They almost always vote Democrat and love South Park. On weekends, they will visit their friend's lake house where they will sit around, drink beer and "chill" (aka imbibe in various mind-altering substances). Their Facebook profile is invariably filled with "artsy" photos as well as pseudo-intellectual comments on the state of human affairs. They generally consider themselves to be the last thing standing between us and utter societal decline.

The Nouveau Hippies: Although this category is intimately linked to the former, it is closer to the true 60's hippie. These are the people who will be in a fix over what brand of kumquats and flax seeds they should purchase at Mother Earth. They wear Toms shoes, sport tribal-chic accoutrements, buy reusable shopping bags, tape Satchel's bumper stickers to their cars and fill their homes with burnt sandalwood. They are fans of the Hari Krishnas and spend their days trying to become enlightened.

The Panhellenic Pandemic: These are the Sisters and Brothers who have survived the perils of Rush Week and come to the other side only to do the same to the next batch of unsuspecting freshmen. Despite intense inter-fraternity/sorority rivalries, they all peculiarly resemble one another. And no, its not just the repetition of the Greek alphabet that I'm talking about. They all wear the same footwear (Sperry boat shoes for boys and Tory Burch sandals for girls), have the same hairstyles, listen to the same music, and all use "like" one time too many in their sentences). The males have an odd penchant for pastel fishing shirts and many are convinced that the former coupled with a pastel belt, popped collar and pair of RayBan sunglasses = the very definition of GQ.

To be continued....

The Price of Stardom

Our country seems obsessed with celebrities and stardom. I know I’m not the first to make this clichéd observation, but some minor research into this subject really convinced me.  With a little help from a website called Celebrity Net Worth (http://www.therichest.org/celebnetworth/), I tracked the estimated wealth of our nation’s finest.  

 

Reality TV favorite Kim Kardashian, for instance, is worth an estimated $38,000,000 while Miley Cyrus, the 19-year-old Hannah Montana star, is worth just over $100,000,000. Justin Bieber, the 18-year-old Canadian tween sensation who released a total of 3 albums in his lengthy career, is worth around $110,000,000. Rapper Jay-Z is worth an estimated $475,000,000 while Madonna, the quintessential 80s it-girl is worth a mere $200,000,000 more than the Queen of England. With these numbers, our current President wouldn’t even make the cut, possessing a mere $11.9 million. 

Now I don’t mean to harp on these few particular individuals because there are so many fitting examples out there, but do you honestly think that their contributions merit these kinds of earnings? I understand self-made businessmen  like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Sergey Brin who made their fortune while somehow benefiting society, but I cannot understand those who struck it rich because of a technicality.

Many of my generation's celebrities have had one or more of the following factors that "made" them in our society:

 1) A PR team that could make buzz from a guy refueling at a 7/11

2) A manager-parent who vicariously lives through their child’s successes while reaping 10% of the profits (Kris Kardashian, Joe Simpson)

 3) A keen ability to appeal to our guilty pleasures (Our voyeuristic fancy of reality TV)

 4) A depressing need to obsess and follow someone or something (How else do you explain Justin Bieber's 25,000,000 tweet followers to Bill Clinton's 9,000?) 

You all probably know the saying, "Show me who your friends are, and I will show you who your are." Could that saying not be modified to say "Show me who you reward, and I will show you who you value?" If so, then what does our society value?