I am currently sitting at UF's Library West while inconspicuosly eavesdropping on a pair of French foreign exchange students. I never understood what it was about foreigners that made me so excited...maybe its the fact that they always seemed so classy and original. Who knows. The only thing that does seem true is that we are rarely happy with the here and now...we are often wishing we were elsewhere, doing something else, or with someone else.
Speaking of that someone else, let's return to my favorite topic of discussion: relationships. Recently, I've read a few good books discussing the differences between men and women and how most difficulties arise from a lack of understanding between the two.
Basically, men are more quiet, analytical, and solution-oriented whereas women are more expressive, emotional, and relationship-oriented. Although both depend upon love and acceptance to thrive, their understanding of the concepts vary. A man feels loved when he is appreciated and trusted by his partner. When his partner expresses concern or criticism (as we women are often apt to), the man is often offended and withdraws internally. Women, on the other hand, feel love through expression and care. A woman needs verbal and emotional reassurance from her partner as well as the ability to depend on him in difficult situations. Unfortunately, its more difficult for men to openly express their feelings or understand how their logical, no-nonsense approach to issues may hurt women. I remember, for instance, hearing stories from friends' relationships. Sometimes, their boyfriend would say offhanded comments like, "Come on, you're not Ms. Right, you're Ms. Right Now","You're not the prettiest girl in the world so stop acting like it", or "We all know you're not the sharpest pencil in the box." Although to guys, who value honesty and straightforwardness, it may seem like no big deal, to women, who take things personally and internalize them, these comments hurt very much. It would be the same as a woman telling a man that he's lagging professionally or incapable of acting like a "man."
Another difference arises from the different ways that the two deal with stress. While women need to express and share their worries with others, men need to retreat into solitude to "mull things over" and find solutions. A woman finds solutions through others who act as a sounding board to her complaints while men prefer to figure it our for themselves. Hence, when a woman complains about having a bad day to her partner, he feels obligated to offer a solution when in reality, she just wants to talk things out. When a man has a bad day and withdraws, however, the woman feels that he is purposely excluding her from his private life and doesn't trust her to share his problems. In reality, the man just needs to be left alone to think and appear from his proverbial "cave."
These are just a few of the points that I've read, but there's definitely many more. What do you think? Are men and women truly so different that we could be from different planets? Are men really essentially one way (logical, emotionally controlled, straightforward, and dominant) and women another (abstract, emotionally expressive, subtle, and accomodating)? Or is this a bunch of psychobabble that doesn't accurately portray all our variations? Personally, I've always assumed (or at least hoped) that men and women were more similar than different and overlapped in their views and manners of behaving. Being slightly up in the air on the subject, I'd greatly appreciate your feedback :)
firstly, wow.lol This is very well articulated.
ReplyDeleteI think you do a great job portraying the differences between men and women and how they deal with emotions. I would suggest you consider the reason why men, if we want to generalize, behave they way they do. What conditions a man to be more reserved with his emotions?
Even though i was raised mainly by women (mother, grandmother, maids and sisters), I would categorize myself as a male whom is perhaps more perceptive on women needs but still very introverted emotionally. I believe that in reality, men behave the way they do not as a result of inheritance but rather the lack of communication that is expected from them.
If a man cries/or gets emotional he is seen as 'weak' and looses his appeal. The macho or strong man personality is what men create in order to attract women. Women want that shoulder to lean on, hence men act in fashion that would be most attractive. Consequently, a man can't be emotionally vested into a every ordeal or else he loses his sexual appeal.
Men struggle with many of the problems women do: work,friends, family, competition, etc. If we shared our all of our troubles too then it would result in both parties nagging and complaining all the time.
Finally, I belive men act in a way that is most conducive to avoid conflict. Sometimes and unintentionally it actually creates it. Men and women are more similar then care to figure out because the differences are easier to point out.
we care **
ReplyDeleteWho is anonymous just out of curiosity??
ReplyDelete