Understanding Our Fears

I was thinking about the factors that control and restrict the choice we make in life. The most obvious factors that I could think of were our own negative thoughts. I feel that we give more credence to our own self-doubts and what-ifs than we do to anything or anyone else. We oftentimes equate our fears with reality and become convinced of their inevitability. This is flawed thinking. Although the mind can be incredibly convincing, we have to separate thought from reality. Only when we stop giving our fears this supernatural power over us, will we be able to objectively analyze and address them.

I think that most fears can be broken down into the following three categories:

1) Social fears: Are created as a result of our need to feel accepted and appreciated. These are concerns over our relationships, our status, our popularity, our desirability, or our reputation. As pack animals, we feel the overwhelming urge to relate to and be part of a group or groups of people. Our sense of identity is derived from our relations to others and their perceptions of us.

2) Self-Actualization fears: These are career, talent, or goal achievement fears. We want to meet our personal standards (regardless of whether they are realistic or even attainable to begin with) and feel incompetent when we do not. These fears are related to self-esteem derived from our personal expectations and those set by our society. They explain why we often beat ourselves up for being "less than" some imaginary standard.

3)Physical fears: These fears relate to our physical and mental soundness as well as to our outward appearance. They have a very biological explanation behind them: in order to survive, we need to be mentally and physically fit as well as sufficiently attractive to reproduce and pass on our genes. They often are influenced by societal norms of what is considered "healthy," "normal," or "beautiful."

Generally speaking, however, it seems that these three fears can be diluted down to one main aspect: our human need for acceptance and love. It seems that almost any action or motivation in life comes about as a result of this unconscious desire. We wage wars on the battlefield and in the workplace to feel empowered, respected, and admired (or feared, which is a roundabout form of admiration) by peers. We spend significant amounts of time preening in front of the mirror, running on treadmills, and molding our behavior in the hopes of attracting a mate. We spend ridiculous amounts of money on unnecessary luxury goods to highlight our uniqueness. I spend a ridiculous amount of time on this blog to be perceived as pseudo-intellectual ;).These behaviors are but a few of the dizzying and exhausting array of things that we do daily to be loved and accepted. The question is why? In my opinion, its because the world is an unpredictable and scary place to live in. By ensuring the love and support of others, we feel much more safe and secure. When we are loved, we no longer feel like we're battling against the elements alone. We have somebody to catch us if we fall.

What do you think?