After talking to some good friends, I realized that 2 categories of men was simply too much of a generalization. So to make things easier, I created subgroups. The bad ones come first. Comments and opinions are highly welcome.
The Bad
Mr. Man’s Man around Town: this guy is the embodiment of an Ax commercial; he is smooth, elusive, and women appear to magnetically stick to him. His posture is self-assured, his moves are cocky, he has the air of someone who doesn’t really care one way or another. He has the names of several girls dialed into his iphone and the scheduled days on which he will see each. He is the guy that gets up on the bartop (even though he wasn't asked) and finds good reasons to remove articles of clothing/flex his muscles/both. This attitude is only supported by his “bros” who are like really bad wingmen from that Tom Cruise movie. In their eyes, their Man’s Man can do no wrong; he is the alpha male that they all look up to for a surge of masculine testosterone.
This guy will plan his outfit choices a week in advance, engage in painstaking grooming habits (slightly resembling a puffed peacock), and wear black ray bans to hide his hangover from the night before. He may be the young fratboy that you meet at a party or even the aging Peter Pan. I have had the unfortunate experience to meet the latter. This will be the next specimen in our discussion.
The Aging Peter Pan
This is a subspecies of the Man’s Man around town….except 10 years older. This is the guy who never grew up. The old fraternity days still beckon for him, and although upon initial appearance he may adult-like, do not be fooled. He is focused on one thing: numbers. Women are numbers on a mental scorecard that need to be checked off. They are expendable, like sticks of chewing gum. What’s amazing about this type is that they use their age and status to convince the younger woman that she is the one who’s wrong…she is the one with problems. In fact, they fancy themselves amateur psychologists; ready to pinpoint your flaws at the drop of a hat yet surprisingly blind to their own. They often play the blame game to justify their actions. The “I’ve been hurt in the past and am afraid to love again,” the “I’m just confused,” or the “I’m going through a phase” cards are especially used. Just out of curiosity, you genuinely start to wonder what phase a thirty something year old is going through. Where they hidden in a war bunker somewhere in Eastern Germany for the past 15 years? It’s one thing for a 14 year old boy to say he’s confused and trying to find himself, but not quiet the same for those who are approaching their midlife crisis. Fortunately, this ageing player is not too hard to spot. He will be the overly-dressed, bleached, and gelled guy standing in the crowd. He will be incredibly charming and attentive and have the ability to make you (and the other 20 women on his speed dial) feel as if they were the only ones in the world. In Russian we have a saying that goes, “there is no free cheese expect for the one that you find in the mousetrap.” This is a definite “free cheese” scenario.
This is the guy that preys on women by playing the sensitivity card. Unlike those other harsh brutes in his species, he is an “exception.” He is the enlightened one. He sings, wears political statement t-shirts, and almost always plays a musical instrument. His bumper stickers usually say things like, “Save Tibet,” or “Peace (with all the five religious symbols).” He is the guy eyeing up the Green wise section at Publix, wearing Toms, and taking yoga. He is scarily more flexible than most of the women of his acquaintance. However, once you get past the “Save the whales, we are the world,” spiel, a clearer picture comes up. He is the man’s man around town that lowers your defenses with his sensitivity whereas the latter seduces with his masculinity. Either way, it’s the same story. For some reason, Mr. Sensitive’s fascination with saving the planet and treating everyone how you would like to be treated does not transfer over to his personal relationships. Instead, he treats the women as he would a Hummer…something initially attractive which eventually becomes a threat to his “unique” existence. This man may be all flowers and butterflies when things are sunny, but beware when it starts to rain.
The first one is funny and so true. Except in Gainesville of course when these guys do not resemble Axe ads, but rather tacky, unattractive, and repulsive men who think they resemble the guy in the Axe ad. My first and last experience with a frat boy was when I was a senior in high school and he tried to pressure me to hook up with him by saying "duuuude, I ditched all my bros to see you." Needless to say, he did not get laid that day, and I can do little more then sneer at these almost childlike and pathetic specimens.
ReplyDeleteYep its pretty sad...
ReplyDeleteThere's a very strong homo-erotic element to "The Bad" guys. The copy-cat behaviour, the pre-party preening, the excessive drinking, the flexing of the muscles. Such a night out is much more about same-sex rituals than it is about chasing women. In fact, the excessive zeal with which they announce their lascivious intentions is indicative not so much of red-blooded manliness, but more of a certain trepidation, of the need for masculine solidarity in the face of a supposed "enemy" - all of which makes them pretty reprehensible, shallow and absolutely to be avoided.
ReplyDeleteAmen..I completely agree. Men who are too cowardly to come up to a woman on their own and need a pose of men encircling them while egging them on for their "manliness" are pathetic.
ReplyDeleteReal men don't need to prove themselves. They know their worth.