Rainy Days

For some odd reason, I think I enjoy rainy days. Its gives me the guilt-free chance to stay inside and reflect. I think the best kind of rain is a light drizzle that blurs everything that it touches. I think I ought to move to London, or something, being one of a minority of people who actually likes grey weather. Plus, it provides a good excuse to start smoking, buy a burberry trenchcoat, and refer to the restroom as the "loo" without people looking at you oddly. How about you?Do you like the rain, the sun, or both?

Another thing I wanted to mention; although I named this blog the "Hopeless Romantic," I was not intending to write exclusively about relationships. I don't want to pigeonhole myself to a single arena, no matter how interesting it may be. I'd rather create a forum of open discussion on any topics.

But to return to the relationship topic at hand, I'll begin by broaching a topic that a friend of mine asked me to consider. The question was whether third parties had an effect on the degree to which we became infatuated with another.

As my friend so eloquently phrased it,

"For example, you're at a party. You are interested in nobody. Then your friend turns to you, points out a guy sitting opposite, and says: "Doesn't he have amazing eyes? Have you ever seen eyes like those?" And then you can't stop looking at his eyes. And it doesn't have to occur like this. And mostly it occurs more slowly, perhaps over a period of days or weeks. But at some point you "surface" and ask yourself when you started to feel like that. And you can't tell. You cannot reconstruct the series of events and comments that led to your being persuaded of this man's attractiveness.

Personally, I think that third parties play an important part in our partner selection. As the social creatures that we are, its almost impossible to ignore the views of those that surround us. Unless somebody has an unfailing sense of self-confidence, he/she will not fall for a person who doesn't fit into his/her social circle. Studies have shown that the longest-lasting relationships were those where both partners came from similar economic and social backgrounds. Although opposites may attract in the short-term, they rarely last after the initial sparks wear off.

To go back to the stock market analogy, positive public opinion on a trade company doesn't have to be accurate to raise that company's stock value and vice versa. Therefore, even if a company is not that profitable or innovative, the buzz that it generates can raise its stock price. 
In a similar way, we're susceptible to following the crowd and liking those who are liked by many. When you think about it, you're not falling in love with that person, whom you know very little about, but the benefits that associating with them provides. In essence, you're pursuing the popularity, status, wealth, power, excitement, etc. that you identify with that person. He/she, in reality, may be none of those things.

Take the case of men who marry trophy wives, for instance. Most of these men assume that by associating with a beautiful woman, their status will increase and the way that they are perceived by others will change. In a way, they view desirable women as a tool of self-actualization. Oftentimes, however, these men are bitterly disappointed to find that this woman does not possess the mythological power to make them happy or change their lives. Although he might "rise" in the eyes of his peers, the man's insecurity remains and even increases in the fear of losing this precious commodity. He becomes obsessed with keeping the object like a child fighting over a toy truck but completely fails at developing the important elements in a relationship.

 Much like a successful enterprise, a healthy relationship needs a solid foundation built on an extensive  understanding of the products (partners in the raltionship) that are manufactured. Similarly, no enterprise can survive on positive publicity for very long if it don't have the credentials to back up these claims; wealth/beauty/recognition/power, etc., can not make up for a lack of elemental characteristics like kindness, loyalty, and compatibility in the long run.