The Lure of the Chase

There is an old saying that goes, "the more that we want them, the less they want us." Why do you think that is? Personally, I have found this  adage to be incredibly true. So I ask you all this: what makes chasing unattainable people so appealing? Why are we never content with those who want us? Why do we feel the overwhelming urge to prove our self-worth to ourselves? Those of you who often find yourself pondering these questions may be in the grips of the "chase addiction".

I think individuals afflicted with this "chasing" addiction have experienced childhood relationships that mirrored exactly this behavior. For instance, if one grew up in an unattentive household where the parents were either too busy, indifferent, or conflicted, one risks developing an unfulfilled attachment need. That is to say, one never experiences the absolute sense of security and acceptance in early childhood that psychologists say is necessary to become a well-adjusted adult. As a result, the neglected child will spend his/her adult life trying to fill this void with a romantic partner. The partner's elusivity often mirrors that of their parents' which serves to entice the neglected adult even further. Subconsiously, the adult is trying to replay his traumatizing childhood experiences but this time, to win.

Alternatively, the parents could have been too critical of the child and set unattainable standards. As a result, the child grew up with a sense of self-doubt and a strong desire to prove him/herself.  This would be a good explanation why the formed adult would spend his years chasing after "ungettable" or "unavailable" partners. By being the "one" to turn this person around, the adult would "achieve" the unattainable goals set by his parents during childhood. I think that ego and the need for self-acceptance play especially strong roles in this instance.

I don't know, maybe this all sounds like Freudian psycho-babble, but I do think the idea has some credence to it.Whether you accept it or not, unsolved childhood insecurities often come to plague us in our adult lives.