The Girls

I suppose its’ fair to say that I spent a disproportionate amount of time venting about men, but not nearly enough time discussing women. Oftentimes, it takes two to tango. Although I try to avoid these types of women, I have witnessed some members of my sex play the role of the “bad guy”.

I’m no expert, but here’s a category chart which I haphhazardly put together:

Part I: The Bad

The Sorority Girl:  What can be said that already hasn’t been? Once again, let me remind you that I’m working with mass overgeneralizations. There are many wonderful sorority girls out there. This is just a stereotype of the bad ones. 

•  You will find her absentmindedly twiddling her perfectly coiffed her with her perfectly made French manicure. 
• In class, she will hold a slightly disinterested,  impatient, and resentful attitude, as if she’s being kept from a much more important engagement (like the Pan-Hellenic social, for instance).
• She will almost always wear one of the following: 1) Neon sunglasses/ Ray bans 2) Sperry boat shoes (even though she never sails) 3) A Vera Bradley anything

For the sorority girl, her “sisters” are the same as a Frat Boy’s “bros;” they have a source of unprecedented power. The girl will often bow down to the pressures of this female grouping, pushing aside her true feelings to be accepted. Social status is her raison d’être. She rarely takes the time to wade beyond her very pretty yet highly artificial world. She will almost certainly date a jock (six pack owners need only apply), the president of the Fraternity, or some future businessman. She may turn into a Status Addict with age. In marriage, she’ll almost certainly be the perfect 1950s style housewife…pretty yet empty. This type of woman might make great arm candy and boost a guy’s self-esteem, but in the end, she can be a drag. Inexperienced in areas outside looks and social life, she can make a very boring companion on a rainy day.

Before dating a sorority girl type, ask yourself the following, “Would I be able to spend a rainy afternoon with her in a cold English castle with no electricity?”

        The Status Addict:

This is a much more lethal version of the Sorority Girl. Although she may never have been in a sorority and tends to be cleverer on the whole, the Status Addict possesses many similar attributes. She is usually highly attractive, even beautiful, and knows how to channel that power. She possesses charm and understands the art of manipulation. She’s a master at turning men into little boys by placing herself on an unattainable pedestal. Its true, I have seen highly-successful grown men turn into panic-stricken adolescents when the Status Addict ignored them.

Like the Frat Boy and Aging Peter Pan, her actions are slightly sociopathic in nature. She isn’t inclined to think about others and always places herself first. A narcissist at heart, she needs constant attention to feed her ego. Although highly developed in seduction, she is often lacking in other social skills.

  She will make the most doting girlfriend or wife for a time; as long as her agenda is fulfilled or she can’t move on to a higher conquest, she will stay. When things start to head south financially, however, watch out when you can’t buy her another pair of Christian Laboutins. The shame of it is that these girls are usually very smart and could have stellar careers themselves. Instead, they choose to latch on to others for a living.

  

             Mrs. Independent: This is the really sexy, hip girl that you meet at an indie band or art exhibition. Upon first glance, she’s very attractive; she could care less what others think of her and live a life most feminists aspire to. She can also be the highly successful lawyer or financial analyst who works 90 hour weeks and sleeps with their blackberry under their pillow. Her strength lies with her ability to think like a man and avoid emotional attachment. Mrs. Independent’s shortcomings, however, lie in her inability to make relationships a priority in her life. She simply sees no need to make that connection. The independents are probably the most analytical and realistic of women, acting with the head but rarely with the heart. Much like a male player, they thrive on the freedom to roam and hate being tied down. Mrs. Independent can be like catnip for men; they see her as a wild horse that they'd like to tame. Some men will literally cartwheel backwards to obtain her attention. Beware: this woman can be like the sirens that beckoned to Odysseus on his long voyage; undeniably desirable but potentially deadly.