Life, Love, and Everything Else

So it is 7:42 am...I got up with a sudden jolt of electric energy that would have been useful in a fight or flight situation but not on the 4th of July weekend. Although I've contemplated the idea of sharing my thoughts for a while, I never got the nerve to do so until now. However, I must thank 21st century technology for allowing me to vent so easily.

So, I suppose I should start by introducing myself. My name is Natasha (or Natalia/Natal'ya/Natalie) ....there's multiple variations and its hard for me to decide which one I like best. I am finishing my very drawn out political science degree this fall and hopefully starting law school next year. I spend a disproportionately large amount of time thinking about relationships and human interactions. They fascinate me but the more that I know, the more I often wish I didn't. Especially when it comes to men. This is not another feminist rant, but a pretty fair observation of what I've witnessed so far:

1) There are 2 types of men in this world:

• the reliable and loving, yet slightly predictable nice guy 
• the inattainable jolt of electricity that lights you up like 4th of July fireworks and just as quickly brings you crashing down. Unlike the nice guy, he is unreliable, emotionally immature, and slightly narcisstic. However, he relies on his skills of charm and smooth talking to hide these facts. 

2) Women are attracted to the latter because of the Unatainaiblity factor: a very simple theory of economics known as Supply and Demand. The more available a partner is, the more tempting it becomes to undervalue them (Even despite the fact that he is a wonderful, caring, and good individual). The less available a person is, the more we want them. Inavailabilty signifies elusiveness which in turn catapults a person's "perceived market value." I say perceived because this value is an artificial construct designed by those who know how to play the game.   However, please bear with me that this is an overgeneralization that does not apply to all women. Some are talented enough to see past a person very early on, preventing themselves from being lured.


3) At first, women dismiss the nice guy in their guest for romance and excitment. Several years and mulitple battle scars down the road, they are forced to reevaluate their orignial stance. Suddenly, the market stock that did not seem so valuable has gained strong momentum.

4) Women like to hunt just as much as men do
Its just not true to say that women are wilting flowers awaiting a knight in shining armor. On the contrary, they can be very proactive and chase (or would like to ) those that they're after. Its such a common misconception that women don't go after what they want romantically. Perhaps the reason that they aren't drawn to nice guys at first is because they see them as too little of a challenge.

5) Women have the desire to win over and "save" men. That is to say that many (like myself) become obsessed with proving an idealized view to hold consistent in real life. Many of us cling to the story of passion-drenched romance built on chivalry, sacrifice, and excitement. Some even think that obtaining this reality makes life worth living. As if it can be the sunshine the clears away all the cloudy skies. To my knowledge, relationships like that rarely exist. They are relegated to the romance novel /fiction section in the bookstore.Thus, women encountering unavailable men automatically see them as a challenge that must be won over and saved. Inwardly, our internal monologue is saying, "I just know that I can be the one. The one who can change him and make him happy. The one who can really save him. The one that he will fall in love." Of course upon repeating out this dialogue, one casually leaves out several important details: 1) Lots of other women thinking the same thing have attempted to do exactly that and failed 2) This person is most likely single for a reason 3) The person becomes an idealized challenge, a holy grail if you will. His true colors melt into obscurity as the primary focus becomes obtaining him.

 6) Exciting men often hurt...a lot. This is a true but sad reality of relationships. The same person capable of giving you thrilling moments of pure ecstasy can just as quickly bring you crashing down to earth feeling like a recovering drug addict. Its a two edged sword it seems. Generally speaking, the handsome, suave, well-dressed guy standing amidst the crowd is Mr. Excitement. Despite their awful capacity to hurt, they possess a charm like no other. This is the one tool they must rely on to attract unassuming victims. Usually these victims (myself included) are nice, kind, naiive girls looking for true love. They open up quickly and show their vulnerabilities. For Mr. Excitement, this is the best prey. Unsuspectingly, the victim will not see what they do not want to and focus instead on an ideal. I have been blindsighted like this twice in my life. Both times were awful.

7) After being burned several times by the Mr. Excitements of the world, one's view of reality does a drastic 180 degree turn. Women suddenly realize what is essential in a partner. They remember all the guy friends who saw them through the flu, provided a shoulder to cry on, and never expected more than their company in return. The individuals whose actions spoke much louder than any high-fluted words.

What I learned:
1) Its not complicated: the essence of someone can be understood tthrough simple observation. If one ventures past the bravado and charm, one can see the shallow and insecure abyss of a toxic individual.  This person will never make you happy because he is unhappy with himself. He may say he's searching for "true love" or "the one," yet he will never find it. The truth is he simply doesn't know how to love...an act that requires kindness, empathy and thinking of others. He's simply too busy focusing on himself. Usually, its not that we can't see the truth, its just that we simply do not want to. 

2) The most honorable people are those who are straightforward from the start. There is no hidden pearl of humanity waiting to be uncovered in Mr. Excitement....it was never there to begin with. He is the empty oyester shell that looks so appealing from afar. Good men, on the other hand, have a large store of kindness. They don't play games, manipulate, cheat, or abandon. They don't want to cause unwarranted pain and think about their actions. They are capable of true love.

3) Life must go on...even if it feels incredibly painful at times.















For a while now I've been coming to the realization that nothing really changes your core.