Knowing When to Quit (Gracefully)

I think that like any good poker player, a smart romantic should know when to quit and cut his losses. Staying longer in the game will only bring about further pain. It wears you out and drains you of the energy that could be spent on more productive pursuits. There's no point in continuing because the further  that you push, the deeper you will fall into the hole.

After speaking to various friends about their dating experiences (or dramas if we're being honest), I've come to the following conclusions:

I. You should abandon a relationship when:

•  You've tried just about everything to make it work and it still doesn't
• You've examined yourself inside and out, picking out your flaws the way you search for needles in a haystack
• You find yourself feeling unhappy, anxious, or frustrated a disproportionate amount of the time
• The problem always lies with you and your actions and never your partner's. You constantly punish yourself for doing so and so wrong and keep repeating "if only I....".
• You find yourself mysteriously drawn to the self-help section of every bookstore
• You start questioning your ideals and goals in order to make yourself more amenable to your partner

If you experience these symptoms, there seems to be only one conclusion: you need to dump the person and move on.  Its simply not worth it. Life is so short and precious that it should be only spent with those who adore and cherish you. Anything less should not be acceptable.

Furthermore, I would like to add that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be around the person you like.  Its absolutely normal to want to see them everyday, discuss your problems, and rely on their help. If this person is criticizing you for acting in these ways, the problem lies with them, not you. Feeling and needing others is human; pretending that it isn't is being in denial. You shouldn't have to change your nature so someone will want you. They're not changing theirs.

This subject reminds me of the classic movie "The Way We Were." Although Katie, the heroine, tried to do everything short of selling her soul to make things work with the man she loved, she realized in the end, that there was only so much she could give. No matter how hard we may want to, we cannot change our nature. We are who we are and the sooner that we accept it, the sooner we can find someone who will love us for it. Despite his feelings for Katie, Hubbel ultimately chose the selfish path of ease and comfort rather than the struggle that Katie represented. In a sense, he was too weak of a person to stray outside his comfort zone and take a chance on the unknown.  In the end, we find Hubble living an affluent, superficial existance with his cookie-cutter wife in the suburbs of L.A.  His life is comfortable, safe, and satisfactory, yet he abandons all his dreams of becoming a great writer. Katie, by contrast, continues with her struggle to save the world and stand up for things that she believes in. Although her life is not nearly as enviable as Hubble's, she stays true to herself. The ending in front of the Plaza Hotel where Katie nostalgically brushes away a lock of Hubbles hair while realizing that their love is impossible, marks a poignant point: that in the end, we cannot change ourselves for anyone else. We are who we are.